The mommy necklace

In the shower this morning (the only time that I think anymore) I was thinking about the necklace that my mother gave me to celebrate me being a mother.  It's a beautiful series of tiny squares of amber on a chain.  When my mother gave it to me, I was a new mother with all of the chaos that that entails and I put it on, thinking what a beautiful necklace, but not really anything else.  Over the next three weeks, as Adara developed colic and cried for four or five hours inconsolably every night, the necklace became a symbol every morning.  If I put it on, I was still choosing to be a mother, with all of the good and bad that that entailed.  It gave me strength and focus.

Yesterday, I realized that I hadn't put the mommy necklace on for a couple of days.  I don't know how many days, I just noticed that it wasn't on anymore.  I put it back on and thought to myself, we've come a long way.  I don't need to choose to be a mother every day, I just am.  Somedays I decide to wear the mommy necklace now, somedays I decide to wear an old necklace that's more about funky fun or something beautiful that Len gave me, or just something that matches my outfit.  I think that I'm finally growing into this role.