Not so much about the babe

Today, I'm out of the house for about four hours to do things that aren't really about the baby, for a change.  I have to go and see my not so enlightening therapist.  The last time that I went, I got more out of flirting with the coffee barista at the cafe after then I did out of the stupid therapy!  Nonetheless, I will give this one more try, and if I don't get anything out of it then I'm going to stop wasting my time on that, and just go flirt with the coffee guy, who's name is Kevin by the by. 

Then, I'm off to buy socks (whoo hoo!  Where the heck have all of my socks gone?  Jenn has a good blog entry about lost socks, www.lifeontheroof.blogspot.com)  And finally, I'm meeting Lyndee for a beer, which is the best part of the day.  I know, some of you are shocked that I'm having a drink when I'm breastfeeding.  But, ya know what?  It's one beer, people!  Due to feeding her I've had to stop eating any dairy, onions or spice and can't have caffeine or chocolate after noon.  This is pretty much all of my favourite things, so damn it, I will have an occassional drink!  I defy you to tell me that I can't!!  Actually, I don't, I don't really want to encourage you all to send me nasty comments, I got enough new mom guilt, thank you very much! :) 

Then, some other friends are coming over to visit with Lyndee and me, along with their baby.  Two new babies, one house, we'll see how crazy that is! 

We have our lovely part time Nanny, Annie, coming in for a few hours today to give me a break.  Annie is an absolute godsend, she gives me a break, she cooks and does laundry, I would marry her if I could!  Actually, she's pretty much the perfect Len replacement, until he returns from the crazy long-houred world of Dirty Dancing.  Long-houred is definitely not a word, but I don't care.  Ha!  I am full of defiance today!  So there.

cool toys

Jenn found this website that has great all natural kids and baby toys. It's called nova naturals and the site is www.novanatural.com  

After all the scare with lead painted toys I thought people might like to know.  I also thought that certain grandparents might like to know about it and that a certain Poppa could probably make some of these kind of toys himself, cause he's so talented.  Subtle,huh?

Brackets

Anyone else notice that I use brackets a lot when I write?  Is this how I talk to?  Is everything I say an aside of something else?  What does this say about me I wonder...

( I also use the ... a lot, but that's cause I got momma brain and don't think none so good anymore)

Sucking it Up

Our sweet if somewhat colicky baby has been replaced by demon baby the past three days.  No matter what we do, she will not sleep more then 30 minutes at a time, day or night.  We feed her, burp her, settle her ( a total of an hour and 45 or 2 hours) and then she sleeps for 30 minutes.  Not the most charming of new habits!  

Tonight after the second time that I did this, alone in a dark house, with white noise static playing (the only thing that she'll sleep to) I kinda lost it.  As I wrapped in her blanket, I was angry and it showed on my face and she screamed even  more, and screamed herself to sleep about 10 minutes later.  And I felt incredibly guilty, went downstairs, stuffed my face full of dinner, did five minutes of yoga to try and calm myself and then she was crying again.  When I went up to get her again, I talked to myself about how lucky I am.  Lucky to have this baby, blessed to get to guide this little life, lucky that the worst thing in my life is that my baby cries a lot. Then, I tried some new techniques with her, and an hour and twenty later she is asleep, although who knows for how long. I am treating myself to a glass of wine as celebration of my decision to suck it up and try again.  Really, I'm thinking that that's all any of us can do; suck it up and try again. 

The Birth Story

After six weeks, I finally got time to tell the g rated version of my birth story, so here she goes.

On the 15th of October, I went in for the midwife to check me out at about 4pm and tell me that nothing was progressing and I had to schedule a csection for thursday, as the baby was still breech.  So, sadly we did.  Then, Len and I headed out for a lovely dinner together at a fine dining place in the beaches, came home and went to sleep.

At 5:30 am (incidentally I've been waking up between 5 am and 6 am most of the pregnancy and always said that I thought labour would start then) I woke up with some pains.  I woke Len up very gently and we headed downstairs to make some tea, post on facebook and wait out the next couple of hours.  We had been told that a couple of hours of labour was good for the baby and me, even though we were anticipating a c section.  Apparently it gaves babe and mom good hormones that help them recover fast and manage pain.  

By 5:45 am we were posting on facebook and chatting and my contractions were 8 minutes apart.  By 6:45 am I was in the shower arguing with Len about whether we should call the midwife before 7 am with contractions 3 minutes apart.  I argue pretty good about being polite, while in screaming pain!

We called the midwife, she said get to the hospital you crazy people!  So we went... through a couple of red lights and swearing the whole way (both of us, bad potty mouth parents!).

Going across the parking lot I had five contractions and in the hospital hallways strangers were stopping to tell us where the elevators were and cheer us on.  Waiting for the elevator, I lost all sense of social propriety and decided that I needed to be on my hands and knees.  So, I crawled onto the elevator, now with the help of an ICU nurse who came with us cause she was worried about how crazy I was acting.  

At the triage, I insisted on staying on the floor.  The nurse said "You really need to stand up, it's very dirty." I said "I can't!" Len said "Come on, yes you can." and I shouted "Then, I won't!!!".  

We finally made it into triage at 7:30 am, they examined me and found out that I was over 9 cm's dilated (10 cms is go time for those who don't know).  At which point, everyone started shouting "Don't Push!"

The wonderful doctors and nurses got the epidural into me and by half an hour later, the baby was born by c section. 

The actual surgery is a complete blur to me, I was really hopped up on whatever drugs they gave me.  Len said that he'd never seen me so calm, and I really hate hospitals and had been petrified by the thought of a csection.  Drugs good!

So, that's how our wee one came into the world, fast and furious, just like her parents!

The mommy necklace

In the shower this morning (the only time that I think anymore) I was thinking about the necklace that my mother gave me to celebrate me being a mother.  It's a beautiful series of tiny squares of amber on a chain.  When my mother gave it to me, I was a new mother with all of the chaos that that entails and I put it on, thinking what a beautiful necklace, but not really anything else.  Over the next three weeks, as Adara developed colic and cried for four or five hours inconsolably every night, the necklace became a symbol every morning.  If I put it on, I was still choosing to be a mother, with all of the good and bad that that entailed.  It gave me strength and focus.

Yesterday, I realized that I hadn't put the mommy necklace on for a couple of days.  I don't know how many days, I just noticed that it wasn't on anymore.  I put it back on and thought to myself, we've come a long way.  I don't need to choose to be a mother every day, I just am.  Somedays I decide to wear the mommy necklace now, somedays I decide to wear an old necklace that's more about funky fun or something beautiful that Len gave me, or just something that matches my outfit.  I think that I'm finally growing into this role.

Baby Halloween, Nine days Old

Here's my sweet baby in her hilarious tiger costume purchased for her by Auntie Kristen, Uncle Greg and Liam.  At nine days old, we finally went out (trepidatiously) into the world and went to Adrienne and Kevin's house for "Baby Halloween".  Imagine about twenty babies under the age of one, all in their costumes, crawling all over the place.   It was crazy!!!  My dad drove us their ( I had a csection and was still a bit of a mess), the baby slept in the car seat.  I enjoyed 30 minutes of adult conversation in a kind of confused daze and then escaped before the baby woke up.  I kept telling people that I was waiting for Adara's operating manual and until it came in the mail there was no way in hell that I was taking her out of that carseat!  We've come a long way in the four weeks since then.

Stupid email, not so smart mommy either

So, yesterday when I sent you all notices of my new baby blog, I was really excited to have gotten it done, whipped over to gmail, chose a group of friends and family to notify of it's existence and finished before the baby woke up.  This morning, my gmail has informed me that I sent the notification of the blog to EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN MY ADDRESS BOOK!!!!! ARGH! The classic dangers of email.  Being a theatre person and occasional independent contractor, I have a lot of people in my email list.  Including people that I barely know, critics, funders and the like.  So, if you all received that email and decided to check out my blog just out of curiousity, thanks and welcome, and sorry that I'm a dolt.  If you got that email and thought "why the bleep is Kendra Fry sending me bloody pictures of her baby????" I completely concur, sympathize and apologize.  Mommy brain is real, deep and far reaching in my life right now...

Stupid email, not so smart mommy either

So, yesterday when I sent you all notices of my new baby blog, I was really excited to have gotten it done, whipped over to gmail, chose a group of friends and family to notify of it's existence and finished before the baby woke up.  This morning, my gmail has informed me that I sent the notification of the blog to EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN MY ADDRESS BOOK!!!!! ARGH! The classic dangers of email.  Being a theatre person and occasional independent contractor, I have a lot of people in my email list.  Including people that I barely know, critics, funders and the like.  So, if you all received that email and decided to check out my blog just out of curiousity, thanks and welcome, and sorry that I'm a dolt.  If you got that email and thought "why the bleep is Kendra Fry sending me bloody pictures of her baby????" I completely concur, sympathize and apologize.  Mommy brain is real, deep and far reaching in my life right now...

A lovely morning... aka how being lazy paid off for me!

This morning I fed the babe at 6:45 am and got back to bed for 7 am, expecting to be the next one to get up with the babe, as that's the deal with Len and I.  However, when she started fussing at 8 am, I was acting kinda lazy and hoping that Len might decide to get up before I stirred.  And he did, so I was thinking that I might get another half hours sleep while he organized her to feed.  The next time my eyes opened it was 10 am and Len was coming in with a beautiful tray of breakfast in bed for me!  The baby had fallen asleep again in her swing and so Len made me breakfast, turned on some classical music in the bedroom and brought me my magazine to read.  I  don't think that I've ever loved him more then this morning!!!  The baby slept until 10:30, allowing me to eat, shower and feel quite human really.  Sometimes being lazy really pays off!!

So new, several hours old Adara

Daddy burping the babe

Our sweet baby girl has some serious digestive issues (much like several of her family members who shall remain nameless). So, we have to put real physical effort into getting her to burp, fart, spit up, any bodily functions that are desirable in babies, really.  This position is called the baby bhudda (sp?).  Looks painful, but she loves it!  Oh, look at mr exciting life here, me second post is about burping!  Wooo hoo!

Well,here we finally are

So, it's a rainy day here in TO.  My husband is asleep after a long night, my six week old baby girl, Adara, is asleep in my arms and I'm one hand typing.  Why?  Cause I'm desperate to talk to someone.  Anyone.  Hello???? (echoing cave sounds)  

I said that I would start this blog asap, and, well this turned out to be my asap.  Six weeks.  An extremely challenging, colic filled, c-section recovering six weeks.  But we're coming out the other side and I'm looking forward to sharing more, when I have both hands to do it!  : )

Welcome to Adara, Len and my world (what the heck is the correct possessive grammar on that?) Glad to have you along for the whirlwind!